It’s been thirty days since I’ve discovered that you have passed. Over the course of those thirty days, I noticed that my perspective on not having you in my life has changed. Growing up, I had anger towards you that was indescribable. I’ve seen fathers with their children and wondered, “where’s my dad? Why isn’t he here having talks with me about boys, life, things fathers talk to their teenage girls about?”
But at the same time, I have one fond memory of you. When I was a child, I was playing with Jessica. I fell and began to cry. You walked upstairs, picked me up, and gave me a piggy back ride to comfort me. That’s the most compelling memory I have of you. That moment will be cherished for as long as I live.
Dad, the anger that I had towards you is no longer running through my veins. I forgive you for not being the father I had longed for. I have decided to use the memory I have of you as my comfort. I know you love me, Jessica, and William very much and that you want us to live our lives to the fullest. You may not be here with us physically, but you are within us.
Once upon a time, I thought of you and nothing but steam came out my ears. But now, at age 31, armed with the piggy back memory, I think of you and gain a smile that runs from ear to ear.
Dad, I will always love you and hope to reunite with you once again.
To those without their fathers: Forgive your fathers. I understand the pain of not having your father around. It sucks for sure. But, our fathers (not just our mothers) gave us the most rewarding gift we have: LIFE. There’s no other gift that’s as precious as life. So, instead of being angry about his absence (though it’s justifiable), be thankful for the life he has blessed you with. We just never know when our last day of life is. Mom: thank you for being a great mother and a great father. I love you 😘
My name is Veronica. I’m a 32 year old woman with High Functioning Autism. I have a very courageous twin sister named Jessica who has a more severe form of autism. I stutter as well. My blog is basically a diary about my journey to independence. Welcome to my blog and I look forward to posting!!!
View all posts by 🐞 Ladybug 🐞|Autie with Hope