The Seed of Glee


December: the most exciting month of the year, finally came! This is the month where many of us  will reminisce about the ups and downs of 2019. Christmas shopping (the most expensive part of the holidays) will be everywhere. Children will be sitting on Santa’s lap to tell him what they want for Christmas. The only thing missing here (in Fayetteville) is snow. Oh how I miss watching blizzards from my bedroom window 😊 
Jessica is ecstatic about this coming Christmas. I’m ecstatic about Christmas being over with on December 26 at 12 AM. She has a written lists of items she wants for Christmas. I on the other hand, believe I already have the gift I have longed for years. 
You see, since 2011, I have been battling Clinical Depression. Unfortunately, many on the Autism Spectrum have this. Since then, I’ve been taking medication in order to keeps my symptoms at bay. Fortunately, I have been able to work and finish school. However, I still lacked that feeling of joy. Something I literally see flowing out of Jessica every time I see her. I was considered bubbly by my peers no doubt. But, on the inside, I felt defeat, loss, and hopelessness. I felt useless.

 

This year though, by the grace of God, joy drastically grew within me! It’s like God put a seed filled with glee on my heart. I don’t even deserve this seed of glee, but God planted it on my heart anyway! HE’S SO GOOD. This is the best Christmas present I have ever received. For the first time, I actually believe in my heart that I will get through anything life throws at me. God is a relentless god. He never falters. I learned this year that if he doesn’t falter, neither should I (we for that matter). 

In my mind, I am thinking, “what the heck did I do to deserve this?” Then God whispered, “You trusted me.”

Underlined: Major Depressive Disorder is common among autistic adults (and among neurotypical individuals).  

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