I’m back! It’s been about a week since I have moved into my new apartment. I’m off today, which is a plus! It feels good to have peace and quiet. It way easier for me to write. That’s for sure! So far, I’m loving it! No compromises, no loud noise (except for my music and TV), and no more getting rushed out of the house to go to work. When I tell people that I live on my own now, I get many congratulations and I’m happy for you’s.
However, I get looks of astonishment and disbelief when I tell them that I’m autistic. Several of my coworkers said “I can’t see anything wrong with you.” This is amazing. But in the back of my mind, I’m wondering “how could they not tell that I have a neurological disability? I mean, I need constant clarification on what’s being said to me. I’m forgetful and it takes time for me to complete tasks.
Then again, I put myself in their shoes. I probably wouldn’t be able to tell I’m autistic either. I would think “she just processes information differently.” Knowing this makes me think about how far I’ve truly come. It’s like I have two different people within me. One thinks “they should be able to tell that I have some form of disability.” The other one thinks “I understand why it’s difficult to tell.” It’s confusing to believe both. But it’s part of my daily life.
Back to discussing my first week in my new apartment: Even though one week is not long, it’s long enough to say that I’m glad I’ve taken that leap of faith. I just pray at the bottom of my heart that I’ll be successful with this whole independence thing. That fear of failure is still at the back of my mind.
That fear of failure is actually what keeps me going. It’s not a bad thing in my opinion. In a way, it penetrates the gift of relentlessness in my whole body and soul. It’s like pumping fuel into a car. 🙃🙂 I feel it each morning when I wake up. It’s a phenomenal feeling.
Week 1 was great. I pray that Week 2 is even greater!