Week 3: My Fears

Hi there everyone! It’s been over 2 weeks since my previous post and 4 weeks since I have moved into my apartment. Due to writer’s burnout, work burnout, and everything going on in my community (police brutality and COVID 19), I had to take a breather. I’m now able to update you all on my progress. There is some good news. I just received my washer and dryer! So I don’t have to take trips to the laundromat anymore. My bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom are close to finished. I still have not touched the living room because I’m still making payments on my bedroom furniture. You have to take things one step at a time when you decide to live alone.

As happy as I am about gaining my independence each and every day, I do have my fears.

WHAT I MAY MISS: Due to my social awkwardness, I’m fearful that I may miss out on love and having children. This is because I’m not sure if I will ever experience the feeling of love. I’ve had crushes (on men and women) of course, but the feeling of love has yet to come. Something has been happening lately. I’ve been hearing “he’s coming” for awhile. Two or three different people told me this in such a short time. A Lyft driver told me recently “give it three years and he will come when he’s ready.” For some reason, I’m taking her word for it. It makes sense to me. In the end, what’s meant to be will be 😉

THE POLICE: With the murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, now Rayshard Brooks wounding us more than ever, I can’t help but wonder “what if something happens if I had to reach out to the police for help? I can’t tell which cop is good and which one isn’t. My trust in the police has been shattered since Trayvon Martin was killed in 2012. I’ve been telling myself “give it time.” Nothing has changed. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to gain trust in the police. However, if anything happens, I have no choice but to turn to them for help. Doing so is an enormous risk, but what can a person who looks like me do?

But hey, my independence must thrive regardless of how much fears are in the back of my mind. Again, I apologize for being AWOL for awhile. I just needed time to relax. I’ll be back. Toodles 🙃🙂

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