Taking the Leap

I have been feeling more bold and more daring.

Well, there was a scare last week when the family dog, Cooper, ran away. Thank God he was found! My sister picked him up from the pound 48 hours later.

As ground turkey Alfredo pasta and broccoli expands my belly, I am powered up to get right to it ๐Ÿ™‚

For the past two to three weeks, I have been putting forth effort towards improving my social skills. After 33 years of being fully introverted, I have decided that it is time to go out there and take the chance. Lets face it, Autism will be part of me until the day I die. I am more than happy that itโ€™s there. I canโ€™t imagine my life without it. Knowing that Iโ€™m fully accepting with what I have to live with daily, this is something that I feel in my heart that I must do next. I can no longer continue on without some type of human interaction. Just a simple hello would be acceptable.

All of my life, I was known as a bright, bubbly, and sweet woman. However, I have always been socially awkward. Fear of rejection always overtakes me whenever I am out in public. Cognitive issues continue to be a hurdle. My stutter makes speaking a constant battle. Not to mention the relentless problem that I have with caring what people think of me, knowing that itโ€™s a total waste of time to do so. All of this created a personal shield.

As time goes by, Iโ€™m beginning to realize that this shield prevents me from growing and itโ€™s time for its demolition. Life is too short to hold on to the shield. Making myself vulnerable is a risky move, but a risk worth taking if I want my social skills to improve. Nervous wreck I am, but I will continue putting myself out there. After all taking risks is part of living life.

Some may be wondering, โ€œwhy are you nervous?โ€ It is because socialization is something that is foreign to me. Carrying on a conversation is like struggling with putting a puzzle together. I think โ€did I say this right?โ€ or โ€what the heck do I say to someone if he/she confides in me about his/her life?

Improvement is a daily process, so I will definitely take it one step at a time. I have no idea what I am doing. I have decided that I will continue to greet people at work and hope things will start developing from there. Donโ€™t get me wrong, I am doing research about social interaction. Nothing compares to mastering it though. The good thing is this: a positive mindset will be a great component to have!

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