An Unique Mind

There are auties, like my twin sister, who can only speak 3-5 words at a time. There are those who do not speak at all and struggle with comprehension. Lastly, there are those who run their mouths, like myself, but have trouble with comprehension while communicating with others.

This is the part of autism that can cause severe depression and isolation. Imagine going out into the world where communication is not only a necessity, but the staple that connects you to others. Imagine someone starting a conversation with you. You want to interact with them so badly, but you do not have the full comprehension nor enough words in your vocabulary (or none at all) needed to keep that conversation flowing. You may even have excellent vocabulary, but limited comprehension.

This happens to me each day when I go to the fitness center or work. Don’t get me wrong; I do everything I can to engage in conversations. I love people, even those who despise me. It’s just that it does not get any easier no matter how hard I try.

What’s even harder?— The frustration that comes from neurotypical individuals.

It’s easy to detect frustration within those who have to clarify their communication for us. A part of me wants to say, “put yourself in our shoes. Imagine the words coming out of your mouth being comparable to hundreds of small puzzle pieces that have to be put together.”

It’s okay though: I understand that they don’t mean no harm, at least towards me.

I know this sounds very discouraging. Unfortunately, there is no way that I can make the challenges autistic people face sound like peaches and cream. Meanwhile, I know God did not put me in an uncomfortable situation to hurt me. He did it so that I can be the voice for others going through the same discomfort every day. Therefore, I cannot be angry with God.

So, I decided to let go of my isolation and enjoy the outside for as long as He wants me to. My hope is that affected individuals get inspired and decide to break themselves free from isolation, despite the discomfort that can ultimately follow.

Yep. I said it. Many autistic children and adults are isolated because it is more comfortable for them. The overwhelming stimuli that comes with being surrounded by others can make social life impossible to enjoy without getting burned out. I know this first hand.

When I was in college (2007-2012), I went to several get togethers. Hey, I was in my early 20s 🙂 Anyway, there were times where I experienced autism burnout and times where I had the time of my life. I can tell you this. Burnout is not pretty. I can remember a girl asking me what was the matter. Well, she gestured tears (by rubbing her fingers down her cheeks) to me. She did that because I appeared to be fighting back tears. I told her I was alright. In actuality, I was burned out from the blasting music and mingling among the party goers. I just did not know it at the time. Incidents like this are socially disabling. The only way to prevent this is through isolation. Burnout is something that many of us wish to avoid, therefore isolating ourselves becomes a coping mechanism.

I cannot speak for all auties because not all of us experience social isolation. Unfortunately though, this is a sad reality for many of us. We do not want to be isolated. We just want to be comfortable in a body that does not respond well to external stimuli (sound, smell, temperature change, even touch).