An Unique Mind

SAD

November 20th, 2021

“But he said to me, ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

Over the past three to four months, I have fallen in love with being outdoors. Doing routine walks outside really reaps its benefits. I even started going outside during lunch break. The more often I go outdoors, the more I crave the fresh air. As good as this sounds, I have been struggling with something for as long as I can remember. I have a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a form of depression that happens at the same time yearly. This is an enormous hurdle for me because I have been struggling with Major Depression for half of my life. My symptoms are moderate in the spring, summer and fall. In the winter however, a strong amount of agony overtakes me.

I have been receiving help since 2011. I was prescribed anti depressants and it’s going very well. It helps me move forward with my day and my thoughts of suicide have subsided. However, I still find myself feeling blue from time to time, especially around this time of year.

There is some good news: Going outside on nice sunny days can mitigate depressed mood. This is the number one reason why I enjoy the outdoors. Whenever I am outside and the sun hits my face, happy thoughts run through me. For example, one day I was departing a bus stop to go to the library. The temperature was in the mid 50’s, but the sun was out. As I was approaching the library, I was saying to myself, ”I feel like a butterfly.” Odd I know that, but it was the first thought that came.

I am sharing this because I know that there are millions of people out here struggling with SAD or Depression. I know that there are people who are feeling alone with this terrible mental illness. I know that from experience. My hope is to inspire one person out of the millions to get help first and foremost. The sunshine is an incredible bonus for those looking for a mood booster. Help is a necessity if it’s truly needed. You do not have to live as a hostage to your mental health. Fear is a common thing, but do not let it stand in your way. Time within the flesh is of the essence my friends. Psalm 27:1 NIV says, ” The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

The journey to healing will take time and dedication, but it will be worthwhile!

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he is delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19 NIV
Changes

November 13th, 2021
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.– Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Last Saturday morning at around 11AM, I was on my 2 mile walk. It was chilly (around 46 degrees). I’m a New Yorker. What can I say? 😉 Anyway, as I was finishing up my routine walk, I came across two trees with leaves that were fading. It truly felt like autumn. The colors were spectacular. I stopped and snapped photos with my IPhone. As I was taking pictures, the word ”changes” crossed my mind. I did not understand why. I’m thinking, ”leaves change colors every fall. Why was this word planted on my mind?” God definitely works in mysterious ways.

As the day progressed, I knew ”Changes” was the title of a new post. Dinner came, nothing interesting came to mind. 10PM is when I began to realize that changes were not only witnessed everywhere I turned, they were happening to me.
Don’t get me wrong: I am aware the people change all of the time. Life does that to us, especially nowadays. I’m saying that so many changes happened to me in such a short period of time. It feels like God did a complete takeover and transformed me to a woman who is growing more willing to take chances on life. Come to think of it, I have taking the chance of launching my blog. Best choice ever! My hope is to inspire people from all walks of life.

Downside: There are times where I do not adjust very well to change. It can be uncomfortable. It’s actually part of being on the autism spectrum. So being so relaxed with my transition is very new to me.

So much has changed over the past year, but I’m only going to discuss a few. They are the most important to me.

My Changes
1. New found happiness: Back in May of this year, I grew close to a man that was not good for me. Letting go was hard, but I knew I had to. I have decided to delete his number and never meet up with him again. It was heartbreaking, but it was the best decision I have ever made. A sense of self love, respect, and loyalty began to develop within me as time went by. As far as dating again, it’s going to take someone very special to convince me to take another chance. Romans 12: 9-10 NIV says ”Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Honor one another above yourselves.” I am now letting God take charge of this part of my life. He is to be trusted more than myself, especially when it comes to love.
2. New Job: I left my job at a retirement home for a job as a food service worker on Fort Bragg. My previous job’s work environment was very toxic (people wise and sanitation wise), short staffed, and only payed $8.50 an hour. The hours I worked were staggering. My mental health was beginning to take a beating. I knew that if I wanted to bring joy back to my life, I had to find a job with a healthier work environment. Philippians 4:19 NIV says ”And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” The job I’m currently have pays $12.45 hourly, has amazing people, and is much cleaner. The Lord is the Provider. It’s just up to us to go out there and make change happen when it’s time.
3. More Fit: I now have more time to get in shape. I do 2 mile walks twice a week and 20 minute weight training workouts 3 days a week. My mental health is doing much better (taking medications for that also) and my job performance has improved drastically.
4. Writing Again: This is the best and most important change to me. Writing is literally part of who I am. Without it, I would pop like a balloon. God put the gift of writing inside me when He created me. I was just oblivious to that. I thought nothing of it until I hit my 30’s. He blessed all of us with a gift. It can be carpentry. It can be entrepreneurship. It can be painting. We just have to go through this journey called life and discover what that gift is. Ephesians 2:10 NIV says, ” For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
2021 was not only quick, but quite a rollercoaster for all of us. The pandemic has not ended, but good things can still happen during dark times. If times like these taught me anything, it’s this: If you have to make a change anywhere in your life, now it’s the time to do so. Do not wait. Time in the flesh is of the essence and we must make the best of it while we’re in it. Christ did. We can do it too!

SAD

Changes