An Unique Mind

The Unstoppable Cycle

September 25th, 2021

Hello everyone! I just came back from a 2 mile walk, so I’m sweating up a storm! Other than that, everything is going well. I hope you are all doing well also. If not, remember that as long as you make it through the day, that’s the positive 🙂 Good days will come (God willing).

As far as this post, it was written last year. I’m reposting it because it remains true to this day. Fortunately, I have accepted the fact that this is part of me. It helped make me the woman I am today. It’s not easy to live with, but it’s worth the battle.

Here it goes:

Do you have a habit that is difficult to break? Are there aspects of your behavior that you’re trying your hardest to improve, but those behaviors creep up on you without realization? I know I do. The habit I’m referring to is stimming. Yep, Jessica and I both stim. Stimming is the repetitive movements, sounds, or words that occur in children and adults with autism. Examples of stimming include rocking back and forth, repetitive blinking, repeating words or phrases, even pulling hair. Believe it or not, neurotypical individuals stim as well 🙂. It’s just not as prevalent as it is in those on the autism spectrum.

Even though Jessica and I are identical twins, our stims are nothing alike. Jessica paces. I rock back and forth. We both repeat words and phrases. This sounds odd, but I spin around when I listen to music. Not sure why I do it, but it’s the gist of the whole post. I can tell you it gets the heart pumping 🙃, which is good. Lastly, I blink more often than most. At first, I thought it was because I’m near sighted. But, when I did research on reasons for excessive blinking, the autism spectrum was on the list. It made sense. The excessive blinking is the most uncomfortable stim I have. When it starts, it nearly impossible to stop.

I have to admit that there are times where I wished I was neurotypical: free of the autism spectrum. Why? Because communication and learning would be much easier. Also, the stimming wouldn’t be constant. Life would be easier basically. I know that I have stated that my disability is a blessing and not a curse. I still call it a blessing. It’s just that there are certain aspects in my behavior that I wish I can turn off like a light switch. The stims for example. There are days where I try my best to not stim, even when I’m alone. I’m pretty good at that when I’m at work. However, when I go to the restroom, they rush back. Stimming is easy for me to control, but impossible to stop completely.

As far as wishing to be neurotypical, I know that the best thing to do is to accept the way God made me. Knowing God makes no mistakes is a huge comfort. The stims will continue. The communication and learning deficits will be there until the day God calls me to His Kingdom. Therefore, the struggle of improving my communication skills continues. There will be days where I wish I was neurotypical because autism is a daily challenge. However, God’s sacrifice of His Son was a much bigger challenge (John 3:16). So, the best thing I can do is smile, put one foot in front of the other, and keep reminding myself that GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES.

“Society says I’m autistic. God says I’m perfect.”- Autism Parenting Magazine
The Moments I Went Mute

September 18th, 2021

Hello loves! I hope you are all having a wonderful day.

This was written two years ago, but the memory still weighs on my heart. The good thing is that this weight has helped me become more accepting of my disability. Good things will come within difficult situations if we just add a glimmer of positivity into our mindsets.🙂

In case you’re wondering what the positive aspect is: it’s acceptance. It won’t be easy, but the journey is worth embarking on. It truly is.

Here it is:

There were times back in 2017 when something happened that was completely beyond my control. The restaurant business is not only grunt work, but extremely overwhelming for all who work in it. I once worked as a dining room attendant at PDQ in Sanford, Florida. That joint gets packed. I’m talking about the line circling the dining room. I’m talking about cars circling the drive way, waiting to order at the window. It’s that packed. And I was one of the two dining room attendants. Keeping that dining room tidy was a challenging task because so many come in and go.

So here’s the scary part. Due to working in a busy place, something happened. I had sensory meltdown, something beyond my control. My meltdowns lasted up to 5 minutes. And when I say sensory meltdown, I’m not talking about dropping to the floor kicking and screaming. I’m not talking about covering my eyes and ears. I’m talking about my brain going into overdrive, eyes watering up, and going mute. This happened twice. I rushed to the restroom both times to avoid getting noticed. When I hid in the bathroom stall, I attempted to speak. No words came out.

How did I feel? I felt helpless, confused, and terrified. I felt like a computer that has frozen. Overheating of a computer can cause it to freeze. In my case, the busy restaurant was the overheating. My brain was the computer. Going mute was the freezing. Similar to waiting for a computer to unfreeze, I had to hide in the bathroom stall until I was able to talk again.

Unfortunately, meltdowns are unpredictable. We don’t know if or when they will come. However, the autistic individual can feel it coming early on. The first sign for me is being on the verge of tears. Since the two incidents, I began keeping water with me to relax myself. It works wonders! I’m able to get through countless workdays without incident. I’m still in the restaurant business as well 😉 I’m just got offered a job as a server.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get overwhelmed. I mean, who doesn’t? The restaurant business ain’t no joke! All I’m saying is that God would never put us in situations that we cannot handle. Being an autie in the workplace will not be an easy journey, but will be worth the rewards that will be reaped. The reward: besides getting paid, being out there in the world with everyone else.

I know sensory overload will be a lifelong struggle, but I cannot let that deter me. I’m longing to meet new people and visit new places. If meltdowns come along, I’ll just go to a quiet place until I’m calm and go back to where I was. Life is hard, but it can be beautiful.

An Unique Mind

The Unstoppable Cycle

Here it goes:

“Society says I’m autistic. God says I’m perfect.”- Autism Parenting Magazine

The Moments I Went Mute

Hello loves! I hope you are all having a wonderful day.

This was written two years ago, but the memory still weighs on my heart. The good thing is that this weight has helped me become more accepting of my disability. Good things will come within difficult situations if we just add a glimmer of positivity into our mindsets.🙂

In case you’re wondering what the positive aspect is: it’s acceptance. It won’t be easy, but the journey is worth embarking on. It truly is.

Here it is:

I know sensory overload will be a lifelong struggle, but I cannot let that deter me. I’m longing to meet new people and visit new places. If meltdowns come along, I’ll just go to a quiet place until I’m calm and go back to where I was. Life is hard, but it can be beautiful.